so, you may have noticed i have been less than vigilant in updating this blog. its because i am feeling less than inspired to write these days.

when i first started a blog, the world of internet journaling was exciting and new. there was a voyeurism about reading other people's lives and there was an exhibitionism about writing my own. plus, i was mostly lonely out in halifax and writing gave me a way to while away my time on the computer without feeling so alone nor so useless.

but things have been busy in my life for the last 6 months or so. vancouver was a blast, and also a lot of work. at the end of the summer the explicitly NOT CONSERVATIVE, possibly moderate, definitely interesting rafeh hulays threw me a going away party at mona's, a Lebanese restaurant downtown. we danced and ate and it was great. i should have properly  thanked him in this public forum sooner, but as i said, i have been feeling not much like writing these days.

so, thank you rafeh (not a conservative).

perhaps one reason to explain my lack of excitment about writing here is that i am writing constantly at school. my first thesis chapter is done, and i am trying to revise and add to it now, and so its a constant balance between reading reading reading and writing writing writing. i'm all tuckered out.

avi mograbi, the (in)famous israeli director is coming here on monday with his film "Nekam Achat Mishtey Eynay" or, in english "Avenge But One of My Two Eyes" about the treatment of palestinians by members of the israeli army. i heard him speak on cbc the other day. he is AMAZING! ABSOLUTELY FREAKING AMAZING. on cbc he referred to the palestinians as living under a military dictatorship. when the interviewer mentioned that this might be considered contentious by some mograbi responded "well, you live in an area of the world constantly invaded and occupied by a foreign military. i don't know what else you would call it. a military democracy?"

check out some reviews HERE and a better one HERE

Finally, you may be and probably are aware that researchers associated with Johns Hopkins Blumberg School of Public Health recently released a report averaging the numbers of deaths of Iraqi's that could be directly correlated to the US-led war to be approximately 655,000 since the war began two and a half years ago.

655,000.

thats the average.

researchers stated that the number could be as low as 400,000 or as high as 800,000. as low as 400,000.........

needless to say Bush deems the report "not credible".

it was, i should add, published in the medical journal "the lancet". in case anyone is not aware, getting published in a quality and respected academic journal is not an easy task and if you are going to publish something with such an inflammatory premise as this one, you can be sure that the editorial board would want to ensure credibility in the reports findings. not to mention that these journals are most assuredly peer-reviewed, which means a bunch of other medical researchers, with PhDs and post-doctoral training, all reviewed the report and found it credible. But Bush, with his C- average from university, deems this report "not credible".

anyway, i don't have time to analyse this stuff further, nor do i really want to because it just will make me enraged, but i have to say this - and i know "this" that i have to say is going to win me no friends, but i am going to say it anyway:

I have some American friends. They are good people. They are nice, and they are kind and they care about the world and none of them deserve to die.

regardless of that. regardless. no argument can convince me otherwise:

The 3000 stockbrokers and office workers and mannhattanites and firefighters and cops who died in the World Trade Centre in 2001 ARE NOT WORTH 655,000 IRAQI LIVES! 3000 Americans DOES NOT AND NEVER WILL EQUAL ANY 655,000 ANYONES.

September 11th (and I hate calling "it" that, as if it deserves this high and special status in my mind) WAS NOT THAT BIG OF A GODDAMN DEAL THAT YOUR COUNTRY GETS TO CHANGE AND ALTER THE COURSE OF THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD. The world trade centre attack happened. its over. GET FUCKING OVER IT!

shit. i don't want to not care about those 3000 people who died but i gotta tell you - and you'll hate me for it, but right now, i don't give two shits about them. this "war on terror" is fucking terrorising ME (not even to mention how much our struggle to end terror must be terrorising the Iraqis)

talk about racism.

oh by the way, i read a statistic the other day that said that as many people died from terrorist attacks since 2001 as had died from drowning in their own bathtubs. ORANGE ALERT! DO NOT BATHE!